I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize