good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
