She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
pray to the hookup gods
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
