Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

I like you better when you drink

(708): View more from Illinois

I like you better when I drink too

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(303): View more from Colorado

My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Is he smart?

(1-952): View more from Minnesota

Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.

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(330): View more from Ohio

nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...

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(505): View more from New Mexico

koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty

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(727): View more from Florida

remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.

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(425): View more from Washington

The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????

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