i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
