I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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