I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think people are normalizing furries
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
