dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
