Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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