there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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