i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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