at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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