Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
