my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
