all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
