So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
