I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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