..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
