There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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