I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I did not marry a roomba.
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