i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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