Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
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Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize