You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
