Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
