So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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