she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
