So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
