I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
