If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
