sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
