I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All the doctor said was why
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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