Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
