I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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