So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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