I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
