I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
