Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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