I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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