**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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