i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
