And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
