Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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