Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
