i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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