Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
