thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
