she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
