You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
