Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize