maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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