i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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