i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
