So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
