I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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