Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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