ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
