I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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