We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
