you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
