So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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