Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
