I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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