32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
