someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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