You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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