its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
