Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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