You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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