first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
