What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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