i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
