Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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