I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
