fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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