Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
