Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
