I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
