When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
