you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
