I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
