my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
