i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
